Thursday, June 30, 2005

Leave it to ...

"Ass cleavage is really in right now," said Antonio Jeffery, a national denim specialist at Diesel Jeans in Union Square. Ass cleavage, like regular cleavage, used to be strictly for women.

You know ...

I'm for freedom of dress; I'm against restrictive rules on clothing. I'm for liberating the body. I'm against other people telling me the gods' joy is an offense, a sin. I'm against drapery on the tits of classical images of justice. I'm for bare-breasted Lady Liberty leading the people.

And then I look around me. I'm already seeing way too much of my neighbors. The shapeless 40-something woman at the ice cream parlor last week with the obviously deliberate thong showing. The grossly obese man in tight sweat pants that leave nothing to the imagination. The surly thug with his denim shorts down around mid-thigh flaunting some boxers I really didn't need to know he was wearing.

And I say bring on the dress code. We're just not a nation of Chrissy Aguilera bodies, and we don't seem to have a clue how to put on pants properly. It's not about puritanism. It's about keeping my lunch.

UPDATE: With a grandfather clause exception, of course, for my lovely wife.