Sunday, March 19, 2006

An Army of David Brenners

This is how the Internet can be funnier than anything on TV. On an average TV show, you might get 5 or 7 funny writers together. On the Internet you get 100 of them, if you're lucky.

Here, Vodkapundit riffs on a story about The Artist Formerly Not Known as Prince, and says,

There's a fun little game I like to play sometimes. It's called "Summarize a Musical Artist's Entire Output in One Sentence." Catchy name, eh? Here are a few examples to get you started.

Among them, he lists:

Morrissey: "I'm a miserable virgin homosexual and nobody loves me."

The Bangles: "Whatever the Go-Go's are doing, but without all the cocaine."

Billy Idol: "I'm creepy and loud! Look at me! All creepy and loud!"

Liz Phair: "Guys suck, but I'm so so so so so so sexy, damnit."

And his readers then chime in in the comments section, with gems like:

Nine Inch Nails: "If I'm weirder and scarier than everybody else, I'll get rich."

Marilyn Manson: "If I act ten times weirder than Trent, I'll be even richer."

Nirvana: "Life sucks, then you marry Courtney Love, and you can figure out the rest for yourself."

Shania Twain: "It's easy to sell Def Leppard songs with a fiddle part--and a gigantic rack."

Dream Theater: "We want to be Rush when we grow up, but we can't write, er, songs."

Yes: "What the hell is Jon talking about now?"

Belle and Sebastian: "Quaint and lovable to the wrong people, pity."

The Pogues: "Blimey! they're still conscious!"

Pulp: "Go ahead and ignore us, it'll only make us stronger."

Guns 'n' Roses: "If AC/DC can get rich with vocals like that, Axel's going to make us a friggin' mint".

Norah Jones: "zzzzzzzzzz"

Sarah McLachlan: "if my songs won't get you laid, nothing will"

Coldplay: "if you don't Make Trade Fair immediately, I will continue to write gorgeous music with the most insipid lyrics imaginable"