Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Afternoon Pick-Me-Up

OK, the multi-language twist is cool, but still: Oh, please.
Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes. [Emphasis added.]

Equipped with that pick-up line, you can be certain to score in the universal language of love. So say the authors of a new top 10 list of pick-up lines which have been translated from English into Czech, French, Italian, Spanish and German by the publishers Chambers.

Taking inspiration from its new range of pocket-sized phrasebooks, Chambers compiled its own list of the definitive top 10 pick-up lines.

Well, I suppose the emphasized line above is better than this one:
"Didn't it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

Now, I'll admit that I met my husband in a bar, though not what I'd call a pick-up joint, and neither of us happened to be there cruising: rather definitively the opposite, as it happens. But had he said something like that, with any degree of sincerity or even a straight face, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have gotten to the first drink, much less date (much less base, eventually--quick, draw the curtain!). While funny can be sexy, my breaking into helpless, hyena-like laughter would have been anything but romantic, much less encouraging, the night we met.

But maybe your experience--on either side--has been different. Oh, do tell! Do!

I couldn't seem to find the full Chambers list, but no matter: Not surprisingly, there are a number of outlets which have played with pickup lines concept.

There's the mostly sort of gross, offered by a site aptly named RomanceStuck, IMHO, if this sort of thing is the best they can come up with:
My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in. [The best part of this one is that the site hyperlinks "diarrhea," such that you get a pop-up ad for Immodium AD. How the hell am I supposed to be able to type, due to laughter, after that?]
Damn.....your ass is fine! Want to come see mine?
Are you bored? [No, why?] Because I really want to nail you.

I will say that the following has a clever twist to it:
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

Askmen.com offers two top-ten lists, one for both best and worst pick-up lines, and includes "helpful" explanations. Two samples from each, respectively:
"I was wondering if you have a moment to spare for me to hit on you?"
"So what haven't you been told tonight?"
"How would you like your eggs for breakfast: scrambled, boiled or fertilized?"
"What do you say we go back to my place and do some math? Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply!"

So much for hooking up in the postmodern age!

Well, call me old (and getting older), but it seems to me that if it's really necessary to resort to one-liners, one could do worse than refer back to the classics.

Unless you can think of anything better?

Note: In the nick of time, before hitting publish, I found a link tothe entire Chambers list.

Hmmm. Maybe they're more alluring in other languages.