Wednesday, December 27, 2006

I Remember Dancing in Baby-Doll Pajamas

[Posted by reader_iam]

... to this song and wondering, among other things, "What do those old ladies*** see in that old man with the accent?"
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen
This is Walter Klondike from
Convention Hall, Miami Beach
Bringing you the first get together convention
Of Republicans and Democrats alike

We have Henry Kissinger
And Vice President Agnew standing by
On the right side of Convention Hall
Come in, David Stinkley

Thank you, Walter, ah, Mr.Kissinger
Amid this historic moment with all
The pomp and grandeur of the political
System of America all around you
Tell us, Sir, what are your
Innermost thoughts at this very moment

(Gotta find a woman, gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman, gotta find a woman)

Vice-president Agnew
What are your thoughts, Sir

(Right on, right on)

Mr. Agnew, when you heard the rumors
That President Nixon might not
Select you as his running mate again
What did you say to him
(You never should have promised to me
Give it here, don't hold back, now
Give it here, don't say nothing
Just give it here, come on)

Ah, Mr.Agnew if you were
In Senator McGovern's place
Who would you have chosen
As a running mate


Bertha who

(Bertha Butt)

Who's she, Sir

(One of the Butt sisters)

(Do you agree, Mr.Kissinger)

(Gotta find a woman, gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman, gotta find a woman)

Thank you, Mr.Kissinger
And Vice President Agnew
Back to you, Walter
Thank you, David
Now, Sidney Buntley is
Over on the left side
He has Sargent Shriver with him

Sargent Shriver, what did you say
To Senator McGovern when he finally
Asked you to be his running mate

(You just call on me, brother
When you need a hand)

How did you finalize your
Agreement with Senator McGovern

(Sealed with a kiss)

Oh, shades of excitement
One final question, Sir
What kind of offer did
Senator McGovern make you

(He made me an offer I couldn't refuse)

Sidney, forgive me
But our roving reporter, Larry Reasoning
Has Martha Mitchell on the microphone
Take it away, Larry Reasoning

Mrs. Mitchell, would you
Like to talk to our listeners

(I'll sock it to you, daddy)

Now that your husband
Has resigned from politics
How do you feel, ma'am

(I'm the happiest girl in the whole USA)

Mrs. Mitchell, your complaint was
That your husband didn't have
Any time to spend with you
Now that you are alone, ma'am
What do you talk about

(Ah, ah, ah.....)

Well, I can understand that, Mrs. Mitchell
Now back to you, Walter

Sidney Bruntley is on the
Left side of the floor with Mr. and
Mrs. Eagleton and Senator McGovern
Take it away, Sidney

Thank you, Walter
Senator McGovern, how did you feel
When you and Senator Eagleton
First separated, Sir

(Alone again, naturally)

Oh, yes, what did you do then

(Called the doctor, woke em up)

And what did your physician advise

(Put the lime in the coconut
And call me in the morning)

Everyone was turning you down, Sir
If Sargent Shriver had also refused
Who would you have turned to then

(A horse with no name)

Oh, I love horses
Now, Senator Eagleton
How does one feel in the morning
When his world has been shattered, Sir

(Well, you wake up in the morning
And your hands are shaking and
Your nerves are all uptight)

Well then, Senator
Why didn't you resign immediately

(Am I wrong for trying to hold on
To the best thing I ever had)

Yes, and what are your feelings now
Towards the people who opposed you

(They smile in your face
All the time, they wanna take your place
The back stabbers)

One final question to you, Senator Eagleton
What did you say to the newspaper
Columnist when you met him face to face

(Liar, liar, liar)

Senator McGovern
What are your feelings on that, Sir

(How can a loser even win)

Mrs. Eagleton
Would you like to answer him

(Who do you think you are, Mr. big stuff)

Who do you think will vote for
Senator McGovern now that
Your husband is out

(Gypsys, tramps, and thieves)

Ma'am, do you think you could have done
More for your husband during those trying times

(I know it's not my fault, I did my best)

Thank you very much
Now back to you, Walter

There's a commotion on the left side of the floor
We've got Senator Kennedy standing with
Jane Ronda, take it away, David Stinkley

Senator Kennedy, people are taking about
Your political future because of your
Good looks, your smile, and the sound
Of your voice, why

(I am the magnificent)

If you decide to run for President in '76
Who will be your campaign manager

(The Candy Man)

Miss Ronda. Miss Ronda
Just one question, please
What do you think of President Nixon

(I don't know how to love him)

Thank you, Miss Ronda
Uh, Mr. Kissinger, what are you doing
All the way over on this side of the hall

(Gotta find a woman, gotta find a woman
Gotta find a woman, gotta find a woman)

That's it from here, Walter

Thank you, David, thank you, Sidney
Thank you, Larry, thank you, America
We now return you to your local stations

When I went around singing, in imitation and mockery, "Gotta find a woman! Gotta find a woman!", my mom was so offended (not, however, because she was conservative, much less Republican, neither of which applied--nor was she in "thrall" to the particular person in question), and I got in trouble. Maybe it was the fact that rather than being unable to explain myself and why I thought this was funny, I did so rather explicitly and, no doubt, uncharitably. (And without wisdom or generosity, either, I am sure--ah, youth!)

Or maybe I was just airing certain insights at a younger age than she'd've preferred?


***Heh. Heh! How many years older am I now than those "old ladies" in my mind were then??? Shaddup already, will ya?