Primaries

Dave Barry on the primaries:

Now it's time for the politicians and the press to drop New Hampshire like an ant-covered corn dog and sprint for the airport, leaving the residents of The Granite State to spend the rest of the winter plucking 239 billion candidate signs out of their snowbanks, all the while wondering if there ever really was a candidate named "Mike Gravel," or if that was just teenagers playing a sign-planting prank.

Meanwhile the eyeballs of the nation will turn toward the Next Crucial Phase of the presidential race, South (or North) Carolina, which at the moment is the epicenter of the political world, not to mention Dick Harpootlian. I have not, personally, conducted any journalism research in North (or South) Carolina, but based on sitting in my hotel room eating Cheez-Its and thinking about it, I would say that the issue most on the minds of voters there, at the moment, is: Change. Although, of course, that could change.

In rare form. Before there was an "Onion," we had him. How many times have I bored you with the story that I (and someone else you all know) had the same job Dave Barry once had before he made it big? I did it about as haphazardly as he did, according to people who witnessed both performances. His next step was fame. Mine's been ... well, check out the site meter and see for yourself.

Old "Mad" magazine joke:

FATHER: Son, when Lawrence Welk was your age, he practiced 10 hours a day.
SON: Yeah, and when he was your age, he had his own TV show.