Monday, April 02, 2007

The Lives Of Dogs And Cats

[Posted by reader_iam]

The following is from a just-received e-mail from a beloved sister-in-law who couldn't be more unlike me, and I her, and ain't diversity a wonderful thing? (Note to DH: Did you tell your--our, lucky me!--family that I blog? Hmmmm... . [DH & Son are out east for Easter break.])

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite !
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite !
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite !
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite !

11:00 am - Went to the vet. Bummer.
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite !
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite !
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite !
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite !
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My
favorite !
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite !


Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for
the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
eat something in order
to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps
me going is my dream
of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
again vomit on the

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its
headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into
their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their
accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration
of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I
overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies."
I must learn what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was
walking. I must try
this again tomorrow - but at the top of the

I am convinced that the other prisoners here
are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to
return. He is
obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe
him communicate with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he
reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him
in an elevated cell,
so he is safe.

For now.